The Last of The Teens.

Yesterday I cut myself pretty badly at work.

Blood was dripping down my thumb and onto the desk and pretty much everywhere else. 

It looked like a horror film.

It was great.

So where am I going with this and how on earth does it even relate to the fact that we have reached the 19th month you ask?

Well because the first thing I thought of right as I saw blood, was my sweet Hunter.

Hunter and I were talking one day back in high school about how I get really weak around the sight of blood. He was laughing at how crazy I sounded and looking at me with his little smirk like "what am I getting myself into?" 

He then began to tell me that it is just a little blood and that I would need to be strong when our crazy little ones are running around and get cuts and scrapes. 

So, as I cut myself last night I thought of that story. 

I heard Hunter's voice and felt his warm embrace and decided "hey, I'm gonna be strong for the children I don't yet have" haha.

 Anyhow, that story right there explains my state of mind at the nineteenth month mark.

My brain is scattered... like it's practically gone.

I stop at green lights.

I wait for stop signs to turn green (yeah, really.)

I check the weather in Cincinnati more than I do in San Diego.

Somehow, every song can be related to him. It's almost embarrassing when I'm singing a Rihanna song in the car and start getting all teary eyed. 

In my spare time I spend an unhealthy amount of time judging wedding colors, dresses, venues, cakes, flowers, and photography.

I practice smiling in the mirror because it has to be perfect when I see him for the first time again.

I day dream about the moment he is actually real again constantly and usually I end up crying. And usually, it's at work. Lovely. 

Anyhow, now that you can see that I'm all over the place can you hardly even wait for the next five months??

Haha this should be fun.

Can you even believe it though?

5 short months are left. And then, we're done with this.

I'm through the roof excited :)

I can't begin to explain how close I feel to him right now.

So close, yet so far.

It's an odd concept.

I constantly have this aching empty heart, yet it also feels so full of love for my sweetheart.

I don't understand how that works, but I'm living with it every single day. 

I live for his emails, pictures, and letters. 

I look for every way to bring him up in a conversation.

He's the love of my life.

And, I haven't even seen him in 19 months.

He's amazing.

I think I would like to keep him around forever :)

In the last post I talked about how our best friendship was quickly beginning to escalate and how we practically began to spend every waking moment together. I have been kinda delaying this portion of our love story, it can get kinda awkward when you talk about mushy things haha. But... here goes nothing! Hunter and I ending up being together every single night over summer started to become expected. It just didn't feel right when we weren't together. One night I was over at my friend's house and she told me to invite him over because a bunch of other football guys were coming. I gladly did and he showed up in a matter of minutes. We all went in the jacuzzi and were having a ton of fun. I decided to go on the trampoline and Hunter came along because he thought he could beat me in doing "cool tricks." As we were giggling at all the strange flips we were doing everyone walked back inside to pick the movie without telling us. It was a set up. And, we didn't even notice. The next flip Hunt did knocked us both over and we ended up laying next to each other looking at the stars, talking, and laughing. It wasn't until about 10 minutes later that we realized we were alone, and so we went inside to go watch the movie with everyone else. They chose the movie Taken. Perfect! I sat right next to him and at each scary part I made sure to latch on even tighter. Being next to him felt so right, so simple, and so perfect. My heart was beating 100 miles per hour. Not just because the movie was scary, but because I was close to him and in that moment I knew he was all I would ever want in my life. The movie was still on but Hunter needed to leave so that he could get home before midnight. I walked him out to his car and we made small talk between the smiles. Although I didn't want him to leave, we both knew it was time for him to get going so he reached out for a hug and I fit perfectly into his arms. It was one of those hugs where you kinda just forget that you're even hugging because it feels so perfect and you could just stay there forever. Now this next part we still disagree about to this day haha. I looked up and as cliche as it sounds I promise you it was to look at the stars because they were extra bright that night. As i looked up, he looked down. And the next thing we knew, we were lip locked. So he still thinks I had planned the whole thing out, I still try to tell him that I'm too short to even reach his lips and he clearly took part in this haha. After that, it's all a blurr. All I remember is watching his car drive away as I skipped to the door. I waited about 5 minutes before I even walked back inside because I couldn't seem to 1) wipe the smile off my face and I didn't want anyone to know and 2) I couldn't catch my breath because I was in such shock. Finally I walked in and everyone's eyes were glued on me as I sat down. I finally exclaimed "what?" and they all began asking "are you gonna get married??" "What are you gonna name your first kid?" "Do you love him?" My face was red. But I was also on cloud nine. I texted him about half an hour later, thinking he wouldn't be awake but I still wanted to say goodnight. He replied in about 30 seconds and said "we can't do that again." Oh, he is such an amazing man. Like really, what boy would kiss a girl then feel so guilty that he tells her it can't happen again. Amazing. We set our first set of rules for ourselves right then and there. But we both also agreed, that was one heck of a first kiss. The next weekend we both went to the stake dance. I felt pretty special when he danced with me and when he took my hair tie off my wrist and said he would keep it on his always and forever. That night we were texting once we both got home. Just before we decided to call it a night he sent a text saying "Aleigh, I can really see myself marrying you one day. I think we would have a blast together." My heart skipped a thousand beats and I probably reworded my response a trillion times. I knew he was the one, and he was starting to see it himself. Once again, what guy talks about marriage when he is only 16 years old AND treats a girl right? He won my heart instantly. The day I had to leave for Europe came far too quickly. He came over to my house with another friend so we could spend some time together. I cherished every minute until finally it was time to say goodbye. As you can see, our relationship has been built off of goodbyes. It's pretty amazing that we survived each of them. While I was in Europe I couldn't stop thinking about him. We had no way to communicate. I didn't even have internet access. I was dying. I spent most of the long car rides from country to country day dreaming of our future and thinking about the memories we shared that summer. We had come so far and gotten so close and I was terrified that me being gone for an entire month would completely change everything. And... it did. I came home and the first thing I did was text him in all caps exclaiming how excited I was to be home. His response was something along the lines of "yay! welcome home" Really? That's all I get? Not even a simple I missed you? I didn't understand what had changed, but now my heart hurt more than it did while I was gone. I had gotten so attached and it all seemed like it was coming to an end. We had about 2 weeks before school started up again. I spent those two weeks extremely hurt and confused. But, I secretly needed that little amount of time because in the mean time my testimony for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was growing like a weed. And here's the thing, I wasn't even speaking to Hunter at the time. Clearly I wasn't doing it for him. I was experiencing my own conversion and I turned to the gospel for peace. Looks as if everything really does happen for a reason. Once I had found my own way on this spiritual journey the Lord allowed Hunter back into my life. That, is where I should pick up next month :)

I am so grateful for the time that Hunter and I have apart.

He is doing amazing things on his mission and I absolutely adore hearing about all of the happiness he is experiencing on a daily basis.

I have chosen my love, and I absolutely love my choice :)

Oh nineteen, please be good to me. 

All my love,

 Aleigh Joy

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